Papa: †King and I

In memory of my late father. His love, courage, and sacrifice created and inspired the force in my life.

Sensing my father in my shadow, I longed to be in his. If only for a day. And when day disappeared and night fell, be in his skin, feel his joy and pains, proudly wear his scars and dare see the depths of his soul.

What cross was he carrying? Why was there so much pain in his eyes? Who was he, really? A stranger in my shadow. If I looked hard enough, I could see short glimpses of bliss, only to disappear before my eyes.

Instantaneously, these sparks were replaced by a powerful wall of silence veiling sadness, torture, and regret. In the end, many years having gone by, all that remains is one last gasp as fear slips away. You know, that sense a child gets when abandoned not knowing why, slowly closing their tearful eyes as they fall asleep looking up at the stars.  

Stars are strong symbols as I write in West Point’s “Blue Max” is AWOL. Children wish on a star. Winners and Soldiers earn them. They’re more than merely pieces of colorful stickers or pieces of silver, bronze or gold. Brave men and women have fought and died for flags and medals that bear this symbol.  

As a child, I saw myself as a “Red Baron,” an ace in my “Radio Flyer” wagon or on my blue Schwinn bike racing across worlds. My uncles had in earlier times noted, “If only you had been a boy. For as fine young men as are your brothers, you are truly your Father’s daughter.”

A determined father and daughter, we did not always see eye to eye. Like a King, sensing his reign’s end, he called for his daughter. Expecting my return after so many years, he called for the biggest celebration defying all those that opposed, including his eldest son.

Father and I have fought many battles against different adversaries. Each of us, characteristically, wearing our own version of stars on our sleeves, alongside our scars and flaws. The child that started like a Pawn on a chessboard has learned to navigate the other pieces until I too calculated my own lines of attacks. 

Stars and metals of honor are but a reflection of what’s already inside us. In a calculative mode we decidedly go after what we want no matter the obstacles, rightfully and honorably earning our victories and our Blue Max!

I, as Father, have brazenly navigated multiple worlds infused with a “fighting spirit” shining bright inside us. Respecting myself and taking responsibility for my actions, I owe to my Father. Accepting no less of others, I learned from my Father.

My Father’s Daughter, †King and I, I have taken my rightful place.

Papa, Happy Father’s Day!